A husband and wife were sitting at the 19th hole when, suddenly, the wife starts thinking of death. She turns to her husband and asks,
"Honey, if I pass away would you give your next wife my $5,000.00 diamond ring?"
The husband replies "of course I would, I wouldn't want to see it go to waste."
The wife then asks, "Would you give her my collection of mink coats?"
The husband replies, "Of course I would, I don't want to see them turn into moth food."
the wife then asks, "Would you give her my set of Callaways you bought for me last week?"
"Of course not," the husband says, "she's left handed!!!"

An American, who is a scratch Golfer, visits Scotland for the first time.
Taking a Scottish Caddy he plays a famous links course and finds he can't hit the ball straight. In fact he's having his worst round ever.
At the end of the round in his extreme frustration he says to the Caddy: "You're the worst Caddy in the World!"
The Caddy responds, "I do not think so Laddy, that would be too much of a coincidence!"

A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse and decide to play a round of golf together.
The man has a little dog with him and, on the first green, when the man holes out a 20-foot putt, the little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs.
The friend is quite amazed at this clever trick and says, "That dog is really talented! What does he do if you miss a putt?"
"Somersaults," says the man.
"Somersaults," says the friend, "That's incredible. How many does he do?"
"Hmmm," says the man. "That depends on how hard I kick him in the ass."

Three men gathered together for a round of golf on Mother's Day.
The men were quite surprised at being `let go' for the day, and each wanted to know how the other got away from their wife.
The first man said, "I purchased a dozen red roses for my wife, and she was so happy that she let me go."
The second man said, "I purchased a diamond ring for my wife, and she was so thrilled with me that she let me go."
The third man said, "I woke up this morning, rolled over, looked at my wife, and said to her: "Golf course or inter-course," and she said: I'll put your clubs in the car."

A golfer came home after a long day at the golf course to find his wife sitting naked in front of a mirror.
He asked her what she was doing.
She explained, "Our doctor told me today that I have breasts of a twenty year old."
The golfer looked at here and jokingly asked, "What did he say about your fifty year old ass?"
To which she replied, "Darling we didn't talk about you"

There were 3 guys playing golf one day on a new course.
Number 11 was a long par 5 with water down the right side.
Of the 3 golfers, the first one drove the ball down the center of the fairway. The second hooked his shot into the rough on the left. The third, sliced it into the water down the right side.
All three went to the water and tried to "fish out" their partner's ball.
As they were "scraping" the bottom of the pond for the ball they pulled up an old lamp.
A Genie popped out of jthe lamp and gave each one of the 3 golfers a wish.
The golfer wished to be rich...very rich. Immediately all around there was gold.
The second golfer was a bachelor and wanted to be "better" with the ladies. Immediately he felt a sense of confidence he had never felt before.
The third golfer said out loud..."I want to be God."
Immediately a badge appeared on his chest that read: "Chairman of the Rules Committee."

John and Bill emerged from the clubhouse to tee off. Frank, who was their 3rd partner was already standing on the tee...but he looked very disturbed.
"What's wrong Frank?" Asked John.
"Nothing much...it's just that I can't stand the club pro," Frank replied.
"Why? What has he done" said Bill.
"Its just that he is always trying to correct my stance," replied Frank.
"Well, a good stance is the key to having a good golf game" said John.
"But, every time I see him...I mean EVERY TIME he grabs me and tries to make sure I am standing right."
"Well, he is just being attentive" said Bill.
To which Frank replied: "Yeah, but does he have to do it while I am standing at the Urinal?"

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